A load of Bull

Each morning we take a walk. Well, not so much a walk as a minor expedition across several hills, farms stiles, pathways and streams. It’s supposed to be good for us. Or so we’re told.

A good friend of ours is a farmer, and owns quite a few mountainous acres, across which we haul our weary carcasses prior to succumbing to terminal exhaustion back at the homestead, hooking ourselves up to life-support drips of coffee and thinking what lunatics we are to heave ourselves out in all weathers on the bizarre notion that somehow traversing fields heaving with E-Coli, sheep, cattle, pigs and bullocks will just possibly extend our lifespans. Oh, and one enormous Bull. A Welsh Black, to be precise.

He’s truly magnificent. Weighing in at between half and three-quarters of a ton, this morning we found him right at the gate, guarding his family of three cows and a sprinkling of calves. And their horns grow back quickly. He’s retained his and he looks truly fearsome. In fact, with him and the family at the gate, our friend has finally managed to stem the badger baiters that have caused him rather a lot of distress in the past.

Of course, what no one except us and our friend know is that this bull is actually a timid and delightful creature. Hand reared, so he both trusts and has no fear of humans, he’s a curious combination of potential killing machine and fluffy pet, and we have no qualms about walking right up to such a regal yet gentle beast and talking to him, softly. No one who doesn’t know him, however, would be that foolhardy, and rightly so. Animals are unpredictable, just like humans can be, and cattle, sheep goats and pigs can all carry E Coli.

Which is why you want to weep when you see parents talking about suing a petting farm for allowing E Coli to exist in their animals. Ignorance may be bliss, but not when parents these days seem to specialise in acquiring large quantities of it. What on earth did they think these animals would be like? Animatronic and fluffy but antiseptic cuties that purred on command, yet contained no vestige of nasty, horrible things like germs?

It makes you want to scream “This is the world! Learn how to cope!” instead of which the media gives these precious and uneducated fools air time and sympathy. Life is about learning, and if the parents haven’t learnt that lesson, perhaps they shouldn’t be parents.