And finally

In a break from our more serious issues, we’ll be bringing you a car designer who’s crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with The Hatchback of Notre Dame.  We had hoped also to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion.

 The House of Commons was sealed off on Friday after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister’s question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said "It was like looking for a needle in a haystack."    

West Mercia police announced last night that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.

The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.

Finally, it was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy.