As we enter the third age...

For those over a certain age, be sure to read the following helpful information regarding nocturnal amorous activities:


1. Wear your glasses.
To make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes,
In case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.
(Turn them all off)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5.. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember (applies to business men on conference trips as well).

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have a bottle of Paracetamol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbours are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . ... . . . . . .

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs And make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes And you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police .

'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fibre today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure if these are facts or jokes?