Coming soon - to a street near you

Yesterday afternoon was full of fun for Colwyn Bay's residents as armed police closed off streets and surrounded two houses in Colwyn Bay, apparently hunting a man said to be carrying a knife or a Samurai sword.

At around 1pm outside a red-bricked semi-detached house in Belgrave Road, three unmarked police cars closed off the street, the police helicopter flew overhead, a huge crowd of over a 10000 people watched, joined later by pupils from the local Eirias High on their way home and a carnival atmosphere reigned supreme.  Locals brought out cakes and scones, and cups of tea were handed out to the dedicated workers, while flags were hastily draped from each side of the street and plans for a big street party were formulated.

Residents spoke of their “wonder” at seeing dozens of police descend on the street, shouting to a man to come out during what most of the 30000 locals in the vicinity described as a siege.

Around 300 of the heavily armed police were kitted out in riot gear – helmets, stab vests and shields -  and the remainder were driving tanks, heavy artillery and laying anti-aircraft defence balloons.

One of the 56000 eye-witnesses said: “They were calling to a man to come out of a house in Belgrave Road. It was a nice afternoon, with no chance of showers, so we brought out a little picnic table and our thermos - haven't used it for years, don't you know - but it kept the tea nice and warm, although it always tastes a bit funny, doesn't it?”

Local woman Delia Harbinger, 69, said: “I have seen a lot of police outside the house. They closed the road off and the police helicopter has been circling overhead. I am very, very shocked. A man told me that somebody had a knife. Would you like a cup of tea, love? There's room inside, if one of those nice, big policemen move up on the couch.  You're quite…big, too… ”

John Fantworthy-Bristle, 45, from Rhiwbank Terrace said: “It’s not the kind of thing you expect in your local neighbourhood, but it's helped build a community spirit, and we're all planning to have a party when it's all over, especially as the nice fireman have promised to set up a bowling alley for the children, and we're getting a collapsible castle and some coconut shies in".

Warner Bros and Dreamworks are said to be in negotiations for the film rights, with Brad Pitt rumoured to be playing the part of innocent bystander No.87,000,527 and James Cameron is expected to direct.