If wishing made it so

As we all await, with pre-taxed baited breath, the budget, it might be worth thinking of things that could well bring in a few billion to the treasury's rattlingly empty coffers, so here's a list of ideas, to start the balls rolling.

• Impose a 45% tax on Mephedrone.

• Introduce a 75% higher income tax rate for the following: Consultants (non-medical), parking wardens, MPs, County Councillors, MPs, the Royal family, MPs and - oh,. did we mention MPs?

• Introduce a 2000% special purchase tax for all four by four owners based on postcode.   Those with London and other big-city addresses pay top whack;  those who live in rural areas pay nothing.

• Introduce a 'performance tax' for MPs;  exact amount to be determined in a constituency-wide vote each March.

Happy Budget Day!