Grub's up

The Daily Post reports that teachers in Denbighshire will be encouraged to rifle through children’s lunch boxes and confiscate junk food if a clampdown to tackle childhood obesity gets the go-ahead. To that end, councillors in Denbighshire will today be asked to consider training school staff to vet food pupils bring in from home.The aim would be to outlaw fatty and sugary snacks, and boost canteen takings from healthy school meals by encouraging more pupils to buy them. School meals bosses said a generation of children had been “let down” by being served unhealthy food like chips.

There's something inherently unappealing about this process. It's certainly true that more children are overweight, and that in itself leads to psychological issues for the child, but children are - after all - the responsibility of their parents. If the 'state' is going to subvert that position then a number of questions come to mind. Firstly, why ought it to be teachers who perform the unsavoury task of rummaging through lunch boxes? Secondly, why treat the symptom when the problem remains untouched?

By instituting such a policy, the state is implicitly acknowledging the fact that not all parents are either fit for their role or necessarily much good at it. This begs the obvious question as to why the parents aren't being targeted. But how early can that be done? Can we expect a fifteen year old, who's been reared on junk food her entire life to bring her own offspring up any differently? Is it possible we need a more cunning or innovative approach?

With the advent of new but now maturing technologies, such as the ubiquitous Bluetooth, it would be possible to have GPs fit every child with a mini-transponder, with three states: underweight, normal, and overweight. This could be updated every six months or so, remotely or whenever the child passed through concealed measuring weighing systems covertly installed in schools. The government would then push through legislation requiring every manufactiurer of electronic goods to include chip readers in their equipment. Then, when any overweight child was within twenty feet of any such appliance it would simply shut down, or refuse to open. Or change channel.

Imagine the scene. Homer's lounging on the couch, watching match of the day with a can of half drunk beer in his hand. Enter Bart, a little overweight. Click! The channel immediately changes to the 'Health channel', showing endless loops of disgustingly healthy-looking bodies, all advocating moderation and exercise. Bart retreats from the room, as the half-empty beer can assumes a trajectory towards his vanishing head. He goes to his bedroom and switches on his own TV, only to be greeted with exactly the same channel. In disgust, he goes out, down to the corner shop, but when he walks in the lights go out and the till won't open.

If all that sounds a bit 'Big Brother' and interventionist, it's only a logical move from having teachers rummage through lunch boxes in the name of healthy eating...