Sandy, sure :-)

The West shore sand problems have been well documented for many years, and there's been no shortage of folk with advice as to what needs to be done to resolve the issues. However, in a recent communication with a voter, Mike Priestly lets it be known that the council is prohibited by DEFRA from clearing sand which has blown from the beach and placing it back at a point where the tide will cover it twice a day and thus alleviate the sandy issues for residents and holidaymakers. In an email published in the Llandudno local forum, he writes "One of the problems we have encountered is that we are not allowed to place the sand below the high tide mark and of course leaving it where we do, it does blow back."

The obvious problem is that the West Shore has been acquiring a dry sandy beach for some years, a process which has seen significant growth since the sea defence work some time ago. Locals with a long memory might remember that Rhos' delightful little beach didn't exist at one time, and Northerly storms would regularly flood Rhos and the businesses on the front, until the building of the breakwater, which had the side-effect of creating a wonderfully picturesque harbour, with a large, sandy beach, that's managed to all but bury the steps that once led down to the rocky shore.

Llandudno's North shore is the place where sand is needed - probably a million tons or so (sand's heavy stuff:-) and one answer would be to transfer it from the West shore, although - as Mike P points out - that needs a licence from DEFRA. However, dry sandy beaches are what holidaymakers love. They flock to Rhos', and would flock to the North Shore if it had one. However, it seems unlikely that the sand would stay in place without the building of some pretty substantial breakwater constructs. The obvious solution, therefore, is to build an artificial island off the North shore. It could be the Llandudno nature Reserve, with little boats taking visitors there and back each day. Populated with rare species, the Mountain Zoo folk could run it as a going wildlife sanctuary and with a little imagination, they could organise safaris, wild boar shoots and survival weekends. The building of the mandatory cafe and shop would provide the profit motive, while the sheer bulk of the island would act as a massive breakwater which would soon see the North Shore five foot deep in sand. The final bonus would be that the island would prevent anyone from complaining about those pesky windmills, since the view to the horizon would be supplanted with a magnificent rocky and grassy knoll.

If the local Performing Arts departments of schools and colleges could be persuaded to become involved, we could even have our own primitive cannibal cabals, actively stringing up randomly assorted tourists and cooking them - possibly for the cafe denizens. Selling the TV rights to such well-behaved examples of massacre and debauchery would earn the island lease-holders a fortune and double the income of the hotels on the front. And best of all, Mike Priestly wouldn't have to worry about the wretched DEFRA licence. What are we waiting for?