Time to weigh in

The Beeb reports that - from next month - we'll be able to have an interactive say in what we think the police should be doing. The rather strangely called "Balance your Bobbies" will allow us to input our postcode, then define what we think should be the force's priorities in resource terms. Rhian Rees Roberts, a policy officer with the police authority, said: "This is a UK first and, we believe, a revolutionary idea."

Hmmm. It was bound to happen, sooner or later, that those whose sole job is enforcing the law should then ask for ideas on which bits they should be enforcing. The Police argument for the introduction of this is simply that there are 'limited resources', a phrase guaranteed to win first prize at the 'Blindingly Obvious Pronouncements' awards. But it sets an interesting - if not intriguing - precedent. If those who flout the law decide to engineer responses that will downgrade their particular brand of criminality, can we look forward to hot spots of drunken crime, untouched by the law, since the majority of the area's denizens think removing dog dirt is more important?

Why stop there, however? If this exercise in electronic democracy succeeds, then why not extend it to the NHS? Imagine the fun that could be had making suggestions about how the money for health centres could be spent.

"Er...right, then. The results from the latest consultation are in, people, and there are going to be one or two changes. First off, we've got to install a new...er, pinball machine in the waiting area. Second, we've got to change the info on the welcome display screen. Seems the patients want to read a selection of jokes rather than the vital information it provides. Finally, we're getting a new hi-fi system, that'll play the top twenty on a rotating basis."

"But this is outrageous! This is a health centre, not a drop-in shop!"

"Oh, and we're all going to have to work from nine to midnight."

It won't stop there, of course. Schools will have pupils deciding lesson content, Churches will have to open Cryptoteques and local councils will actually have to explain the reasoning behind their more bizarre decisions. Mind you, it'll only go so far. Once those in Westminster realise the truly dangerous threat behind this sinister and insidious movement, they'll nip it in the bud. After all, they couldn't risk the people getting involved in real democracy, now, could they?